Next Week's Menu: Hotcakes, Zesty Southwestern Tuscan Crispy Bacon Melt

Soupies,

We have a lovely menu for you next week! First a few business notes to attend to... One of the things we've been struggling with for the past few years is how to manage the growth that we've been experiencing without sacrificing the quality of our service. To that end, we have decided to adopt the decimal calendar, first instituted by the Coptic Christians in Egypt and also the Ethiopian Church in the 4th Century. With a ten-day week, we are able spread our weekly delivery schedule out more efficiently over our ever-expanding service area.

As you can see, the first seven days of the week are conveniently named Sunday through Saturday, then it moves onto Octoday, Nonaday, and Deciday. We have provided an iPhone app available on iTunes that will translate your existing calendar functions to the new decimal calendar. Sorry for any inconvenience and please let us know what we can do to assist you in this transition.

OK, onto the menu... please lettuce know what we can prepare for you!

After much head-scratching here at Product Development Central, we had one of those "Aha!" sort of moments. I posed the following question to my staff: "What can we sell that will sell like hotcakes?" And then with a wry smile... "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Soup Peddler's fluffy, warm hotcakes are prepared in the traditional disc-like shape that you've come to know and love, each one just a little different, just like mom used to make! (Serves 4) $10

There is no shame in our game. How better to capitalize upon our culture's food fascination than to design a dish around the most compelling menu adjectives known to 21st Century (Wo)man? After hours of whiteboarding and also a little tinker-time in the kitchen we offer our latest and greatest. Enjoy! (Serves 2) 11.9**

**studies show that removing the dollar sign and adding a single decimal representing tens of cents subtly dissociates the menu item from the dollar amount

The culinary arts are rife with traditions of frugality. In fact, some of today's most valued foods were at one time throw-away items... ribs, trotters, clams, crabs... the list goes on. Ever-rising food costs compel us to think creatively in menu design, thus this clever riff on our famed Penne Alla Vodka. Ah, sweet memories of those Everclear nights! (Serves 2) $4

Have you ever wondered what they do with the rest of the nauga after they remove the hide? We asked our meat distributor and found our answer... nauga nuggets are among the most economically-priced proteins available to man, and what's not delicious battered and fried I ask you? Served with our Original Genuine Ersatz Sauce and Spurious Slaw. $10

Do you ever tire of the unalterable drone of "crisp on the outside, tender on the inside"? It's almost as if the measure of a food is entirely reliant upon its external crispness and internal tenderness. I feel like many important textures have been lost or endangered as a result. We bring you a dish based upon one of the lost greats: squishiness! $12

Innovative, out-of-the-box thinking is hard to accomplish in an industry where thousands of creative minds are pounding the virtual cognitive pavement for the next great idea. The Austin Cakeball movement is well afoot, but we are proud to unveil what we think is the next level: Cake Trapezoids! Where spherical forms of food say "I'm old. I'm traditional. I'm rolled by someone's questionably sanitized hands," angular forms such as trapezoids say, "I'm fresh. I'm edgy. I'm precision-cut. I am the next level and I am here to stay." $9

Order early and often! Thank you as always for your continued soupport, and I feel I would be most remiss if I did not wish you and yours a joyous, happy April First.

Your friend,
The Soup Peddler